Kevin Cornell

Abandoned by his parents at birth, the infant Cornell was discovered on the banks of the Seine by a pack of wolves, and raised as one of their own.

Shortly after, the pack deserted the boy, setting him adrift on the banks of the Rhine. Eventually he was rescued by a colony of gentle beavers. Teaching the young boy to chew and pat clumps of mud, they raised him as one of their own.

Come spring, he was abandoned on the banks of the Danube. But fate was on Cornell’s side. Spotted in passing by a herd of cattle, they fished the reed basket containing Cornell out of the calm waters, and vowed to raise him as one of their own.

Later that night, on the banks of the Po, they abandoned the boy. Discovered by a warm-hearted bevy of quail, he was raised as one of their own, and very nearly abandoned again, until Cornell took his fate in his own hands, and ate his adoptive family.

Today, Cornell lives a quiet existence, raising a pack of his own in a cozy riverside lodge with all the cud one could eat. He makes his living drawing and writing on such websites as and, illustrating books for children and adults, and contributing to such notable publications as McSweeney’s Quarterly, Maisonneuve Magazine, and the online publication A List Apart.